Gorgolax
I AM GORGOLAX, Archduke of Planet Conquering and lead drummer for The Digits, an intergalactic touring band. We are out to stop the evil CEO of Doomfinger Enterprises from turning the galaxy stupid. The Digits teaches kids of all ages (and galaxies) a math curriculum based on the common core. You can learn more about me Gorgolax via my app, my YouTube channel, and soon, on television.
I am excited to share my intergalactic knowledge with my earthling friends and to elicit your help with crowdfunding The Digits live event this summer at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI). This first-of-its-kind show will feature a reading of the pilot script for The Digits television show, which is currently in development. You can get early access to the show by donating to our IndieGoGo campaign at this link: http://igg.me/at/Digits
The Digits have been on a permanent tour of the galaxy for many, many months. We have played crowded clubs on the ice planet of G’Knorr, braved the amphitheaters of the Death Spiral cluster, and even once played in a bowling alley in Jersey. So who better to provide some advice on intergalactic touring?
PREPARE FOR THE KNOWLEDGE OF GORGOLAX!
1. Budget
Money can be a sore subject when touring with a band. That is why most civilized societies in the galaxy have done away with the concept. Money is an odd habit of an underdeveloped species and it is why Nelly “feels this way.” Obviously, it must be avoided at all costs!
Leave your money at home when you are on tour. If you want something and no one will give it to you without this silly money, simply raise your voice until they acquiesce. Gorgolax has found this system of budgeting to be most effective. Your band mates will be so happy, they will put you in charge, and you will impress your fans with your forward-thinking attitude! Which leads Gorgolax to tip number two…
Gorgolax with Doubleclicks
2. Support your Band Mates
YOUR BAND MATES ARE AWESOME! If your band mates are not awesome, it is best to be rid of them. Gorgolax prefers the “airlock” method of replacing band members, but cautions that this technique does not work for band mates with thick enough pelts to survive the icy cold blackness of the interstellar void.
All bands need a leader. Most sentient beings, including your band mates, don’t have your natural leadership skills, so they will want YOU to take charge! Don’t let them down! Throughout the tour, be sure to remind them of their responsibilities all the time. Be careful: if you don’t take charge, your band mates just might fail. At life. Where would they be without you?
3. Take Time for Yourself
Just because your band mates need you doesn’t mean you have to give up everything. Don’t forget to take time each day for you. Get a manicure! Or a relaxing brainscrub! GORGOLAX ORDERS YOU TO ENJOY YOURSELF!
When you’re on tour, there will be hours at a time when nothing is expected of you (besides telling others what to do). You’ll have plenty of time to take care of yourself. Take a nap. Paint a picture. This is basically a vacation for leaders like you!
4. Appreciate the Little Things
EVERYTHING IS LITTLE TO GORGOLAX, but for you puny earthlings, there are many things that are not little. So, when you see little things—anything that is actually smaller than you—make sure you appreciate it. Key phrases such as “thank you small thing” and “Gorgolax appreciates your efforts, tiny being!” can be very useful in demonstrating appreciation. You never know when you’ll get a chance to tower over anything again! Appreciate it. (PS: GORGOLAX THANKS YOU RIGHT NOW, EARTHLING READERS!)
The Thermals with The Digits
5. Razzle-Dazzle ‘Em
An intergalactic tour is about wowing the crowd. Your audience has spent a good deal of time and effort to come to your show, so it is best to make it worth their while. And what’s the best way to give them an evening they’ll never forget? Drum solos!
Drum solos so grandiose that those teensy-weensy little audience members won’t know what hit them! Once they figure it out, they’ll remember what hit them forever. FOR…EV…AR! Of course, Gorgolax is used to his audiences being teensy-weensy. Yours may not be! If they are, see #4. If they are not, play another drum solo. You must push yourself to the limit to create a beautiful smattering of elegant showbiz that your new fans will adore for ages to come.
You are a leader. You are a musician. YOU ARE ON TOUR, and this is your time!
GORGOLAX OUT!
http://watchthedigits.com/
IndieGOGO: http://igg.me/at/Digits
@Wearethedigits
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